Book Review - Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 2019 Edition
Authors: Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D.
Category: Intimate Relationships, Communication
Quiver Score: 5/5
I don’t anticipate giving many perfect ratings, but this book is a rare gem – a captivating page-turner packed full of aha moments. The authors have woven together decades of personal research and experience in the field of intimate relationships to create a classic handbook of how couples can thrive.
Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt pioneered the concept of Imago, referring to image. In their work they discovered that adults are often drawn to intimate partners who will trigger core wounds that were formed in formative years. In essence, our partners often reflect many of the same negative behavioural characteristics that we attribute to our early caregivers. Through awareness of these wounds in our present relationship, we have the opportunity to process and heal the wounds.
In addition to introducing readers to the Imago concept, this book also offers readers detailed description of the very actionable Imago dialogue. Using this tool, which is similar to non-violent communication, intimate partners can conversationally navigate the most challenging topics in a safe and productive manner. As the authors demonstrate, Imago dialogue can even be effective when used by only one partner, and once the basic concepts are grasped, it can be applied in virtually any conversation.
Getting the Love you Want is filled with useful case studies from the authors’ private practices and workshops. Readers can easily find relevance in all Imago concepts and quickly apply them to their lives. To add to the bounty provided in this book, the final section is a step-by-step guide to enhancing your intimate relationship through eighteen detailed exercises that the authors have created and used in their workshops over the last few decades.
Personally, this book enhanced my intimate relationship by giving me an awareness of my core wounds and an understanding of my wife’s role in healing those wounds. My wife and I have both read this book and have shared many enlightening conversations about how and why we trigger each other and why we are so strongly attracted to one another. Additionally, the teachings of Imago have become invaluable components of my men’s retreat curriculum. With the authors’ simple readable narrative, brilliant concepts, and actionable tasks, any man can learn to show up more fully in his intimate relationship. I have given this book to men, and recommend it anyone who hopes to thrive in intimacy.
