Book Review - The Way of The Superior Man
Author: David Deida
Category: Intimate Relationships, Masculinity
Quiver Score: 5/5
There are very few books that have impacted my life with the intensity that The Way of The Superior Man has. Even though it was first published more than twenty years ago, its message could not be more fitting for heterosexual men trying to navigate the intricacies of being male in 2019.
With this pivotal publication, David Deida has literally given men a handbook, or as he calls it, a spiritual guide, for handling some of the largest challenges we face. As he states, “This book is a guide for a specific kind of newly evolving man. This man is unabashedly masculine – he is purposeful, confident, and directed, living his chosen way of life with deep integrity and humor – and he is sensitive, spontaneous, and spiritually alive, with a heart-commitment to discovering and living his deepest truth.”
I first picked up this book at a time in my life when I greatly needed it. I recall being deflated after another disheartening argument with my wife. I needed guidance, the type an intimate partner should not be asked to give, and the direction I got from The Way of The Superior Man went well beyond my expectations of what a book could provide, or any resource for that matter.
Each of the book’s chapters is written as a manifesto for men who are trying to wake up and powerfully lead their lives. Some of Deida’s teachings seem so obvious, and yet very few men ever reach these impactful conclusions on their own. Others seem outrageous, even offensive to some, and yet his wisdom-infused narratives shed fresh light on these taboo topics and positions.
If you are like I was when I began reading this book, you are struggling to manage numerous major aspects of your life with any efficacy, let alone to rise above the challenges they pose and thrive. We have been taught by society that it is not okay to be strong men; instead we must be more gender-neutral and ooze the emotions that our fathers were told to never let loose. They were to keep it all in, suppress feelings; conversely, today’s men are told to outwardly express all their fickle emotions as if they are the only currency of non-offensive communication.
Contained within eight sections in the book, each of the fifty-one chapters is a pearl all its own and can be read alongside or independently of others. I have returned to specific chapters countless times to find guidance and grounding. The section of this book on sexual polarity within relationships has provided the foundations of teaching for many workshops that I have attended, and I have studied under at least three men who credit much of their work to David Deida. Other book sections include life’s purpose, emotional shadows, understanding men, relating to women, and embodiment practices.
Deida touches on many topics that serve as significant challenges for men, challenges we often try to escape by seeking other circumstances, other companions. But as he demonstrates with his straightforward narrative, we can never escape these challenges as they are not derived externally but instead are woven into our interior fabric. Only by reworking, often painfully, our inner tapestry can we expect to find freedom. “Every moment of your life,” writes Deida, “is either a test or a celebration…Yet if your purpose is to be free, you wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Most men,” Deida writes in the first chapter, “make the error of thinking that one day it will be done.” The journey to awakened masculinity is never complete, and never without growth. As Lao Tzu, the father of Taoism, said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” In my humble opinion, this book serves as a great first step, or any step if you are already on your way.
